So I bought this cheap, Russian indie game last night. I read online that it will give you brain damage. Naturally, I couldn't resist. It was wild! I sat down for a good pre-bedtime virtual romp, and this game delivered. The pacing was absolutely perfect for my late-night attention span (and by late-night, I mean 11 o'clock. Give me a break. It's been a stressful week). I died like 8 times in the first 5 minutes! At first, I was disappointed that I was so bad at this game. But then I decided that such epic failure was pretty amusing. And later decided that if this game has any point at all, it's probably to die a lot. And then I was really happy, because that meant I was a goddamn master at this game, and could probably kick everybody's ass.
I really liked being named Dog Bench and Alonzo Spud (or whatever). It made me think deeply about what my favourite food is (trash food), and how many apples are present in 4 bunches of bananas. I became a mushroom-bee and fucking destroyed a mean, rabid dog after it bit me to pieces several (dozen) times. Sasquatch gave me a real hard time, though. He's a toughy. He doesn't wanna be friends, he beats you up if you try to catch him, and if you kill him, you know, in self defense, the PIPA people (I can only assume it's them) lock you up. Harsh! But don't worry, because all of these things just make you die, and that means you're doing well like me.
A. does not compute
B. Take it.
C. Leave it.